Being vulnerable is in our core essence as human beings. Why do people resist it? It is beyond me. I find vulnerability healthy. Not only healthy, it’s beautiful. Part of it maybe because I like real people and real people have insecurities, real people have emotions and weaknesses.
It’s okay to cry.
No matter how much your ego is telling you not to. Crying is relieving. I found crying – yes, in front of the boyfriend I am breaking up with – to be freeing. He knew I was hurting, he knew I was weak. I couldn’t hide it from him and why would I? I loved him and he also knew that, it’s only human of me to be hurt.
It’s okay to talk about things.
You are not dwelling if you talk to your ex about things during the break up. Get your closure – do not accept to go out of his life without a closure. That could go a long way in helping you heal.
It’s okay if you want to stay home.
You don’t have to listen to your friends forcing you out of bed because you ‘need to be distracted’. I am fundamentally against this concept. After so much time being with someone, it can be rewarding to spend time alone. And especially when you don’t enjoy your own company around people. Take your time. Yes, do the occasional outing with the girls – preferably don’t go clubbing, have some quality time. Talk about your feelings and how you are seeing things. You have no idea how cheering some quality time with yourself or your close ones can be.
Train your brain.
I think this is the most valuable advice I could ever give you. We, as human beings, tend to blind ourselves in love. And when you are in a relationship – it might be okay. But once you break up, you need to remove those blinds and remind yourself of the reality of things. I am not encouraging you to convince yourself of things to numb the pain. No. But every day, every time he crosses your mind, remind yourself of the things you didn’t like about him. The things that brought you apart. The things you would’ve never compromised on had you not been in love. And do not make him a monster in the process, we all have good and bad things. His just didn’t fit yours. Say it to yourself, say it out loud to others.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
Because everything does. Whatever pain you are feeling right now, it will go away and you will grow from this. And something good will come out of it. You will learn something, you will meet people, and you will grow. That is the one thing I know for sure.
Observe what is making you feel better and what is making you feel worse. It can be surprising. Talking to him might make you feel better, crying might make you feel better. Going out might not. Shopping might help. Not eating might be self-rewarding for you. It differs from a person to another. Watching series. Helping other people with their relationships. The list endless – observe and reiterate.
Don’t rush into making statements and decisions.
But if you did – it is still okay when you change your mind. You could swear off British men, you could decide you want to get married. Or decide you want to go wild. You could decide to stay friends with him or cut cords for good. Try not to rush into making these decisions straight after a break up – and don’t give promises to your ex. You don’t want anything to keep you connected to this person emotionally. And a promise, no matter how irrelevant with time, will be an emotional connection.
Seek out friends’ advice but listen only to your inner voice.
Your experiences are different from any other human on earth. You knew your ex better than anybody else. You also know yourself better than anybody else. Don’t let others distort your mission even if it’s out of good intentions.
No matter how peaceful the break-up, staying friends is a NO-NO.
We’ve all been there, we’ve all believed at one point or another that we can be friends with our exs. I’m not here to tell you that you can’t, I’ve seen it happen so many times. But, if you are going to be successful at being friends, you need a period of detachment, of no contact. No matter how long it takes, once you’ve moved on, once you are able to see him and not feel weak in the knees, once your thought process detaches from what he would think or what he would say or how he would have reacted to this or that, that’s when you can be friends him.
Embrace every phase of your recovery. Embrace the grief, the crying. Embrace the denial. Embrace the need for loneliness. Embrace the anger. Embrace your rebellion. Embrace the attention from new men. Embrace flirting. Embrace your friends’ support. Embrace every step and learn and grow.
Most importantly, it’s also okay to love again.
Yes, there will be a post break up period where you are disgusted from men. There might be another period where you see men as ego boost tools. But when you meet someone amazing and you start feeling those familiar feelings again, don’t push it away, don’t run. And I say when not if.
If I had to choose one thing to believe in – it would be love.